worry worry worry

I guess I blog a lot more under stress. Not only has he not picked up his phone to me in the last 48 hours, today Alex didn't show up to work and I think he's been fired. Randall wouldn't say anything except "He's not coming in anymore." in a voice that made me regret that I'd asked. So when I got off work I went round to his flat and he didn't answer the bell. I even got inside the building and pounded on his door- he didn't answer. After phoning basically everyone I know I finally got his flatmate's number, but Simon's gone home for Christmas and has no clue about where Alex might be. I might go round again and try knocking in case he's come back in the past few hours.

This is creepy. If he has been fired, why didn't anyone tell me straight away? Why didn't ALEX tell me? It's not like him to go out and not tell anyone, unless he's on some sort of drinking binge or wallowing in the misery of being sacked- but he'd never do that either. I guess he could have gone on Christmas holiday early.

I almost made a post on the company forums about it but it hit a little too close to Ed for my liking. I don't know...

BLARRRRGH

I don't understand any of this. He might be my boss but Randall has NO RIGHT to treat me and Alex this way, we've been working our arses off to go through this stuff and he and Alex looked like they were going to shoot each other all day. To say that's an uncomfortable working environment is the understatement of the year. Today was completely surreal and melodramatic, like Alex blogging to say that they've "taken" Ed and are going to take him too and he's leaving and all of this stuff. It's all getting a little too dystopian for me if I'm honest.

I think in the wake of the accident everyone's gotten a little bit confused and a little bit weirded out, and frightened. I'm certainly frightened, but I think I should take a step back...I've just got home now and I jumped about a foot into the air when my mobile rang. But it wasn't Alex, and he's not picking up his phone, and he didn't leave the office when I did, I don't know what Randall wants him for...but he is a lot more involved in the website code than I am.

Alex are you still at work? If you're online and see this, can you let me know- and can I come over?

tension

I'm at work right now and I just want to go home...or do something else.

stuff

News news news...Alex finally got a blog...essential for geeks everywhere. I go home in five days!!! I'm well excited.

Finally got the forums launched as well...now a-buzz with activity. Puzzles and such...we should deck the website out for Christmas...maybe that would be too unprofessional. I don't know if Randall is in the Christmas cheer yet...I don't know if Randall has any Christmas cheer. Maybe I should get him a gift? Like a polite, office-type gift. Like a tin of biscuits, I don't know.

good for once

I had an absolutely brilliant day yesterday, mostly because it involved a trip to the beach (yes it was freezing...did we care, no) and culminated in a Serenity viewing at my flat. One of the few times I've actually had people round...makes it feel like home! And then we all got pleasantly tipsy on wine and Jeremy fell asleep on my sofa, where he is now still snoring audibly. Plus I have the day off from work today and it's American Thanksgiving so my aunt and cousins will probably be at home and maybe I can Skype them later...we don't talk enough but I really love that side of my family.

Plus Christmas is coming and I'll have two weeks off...although I'm only going to be in England for a week so I will probably come back to work a bit early (because I'm just that sad...). Even though when I'm there I'll have to endure being fitted for a maid of honour dress and making small talk with my sister's fiance who is spending the holidays with us. And listening to my sister talk...about weddings...for hours...and hours...literally hours...When I get married I want it to be Star Wars themed and take place at the Castle. But still, seeing my family is good and HOME is good...just HOME.

As the Proclaimers sing, there is sunshine on Leith :) (not literally of course...it'll be dark by four pm)

guy fawkes

Boom!!! Someone set Arthur's Seat on fire! I am laughing :-\

...what??

My sister's getting married.

My YOUNGER sister.

:-\ is the perfect face to express how I feel about that...oh god I'm going to be the maid of honour...the OLDER maid of honour. Who should be the matron of honour. But isn't!

It's in February. Isn't that REALLY SOON?

STUPIDITY! IT BURNS!!

Melancholy mood not lifted, made WORSE by work work work. Nightmare of a server reboot, nightmare of a bunch of employees NOT UNDERSTANDING Windows XP (the easiest thing to understand EVER)...don't we have an IT guy specifically to DO this??? It is not my job to chase up dumb secretaries and teach them how to open Microsoft Word...I have nothing against secretaries I think they do amazing work and can be very organised and all of this but surely one of the few things they need to know how to do is use Office? UGH.

good/bad

Had lunch with Alex today in Forest Cafe. Nachos, delicious :) Feeling decidedly better about life and work and things after a good chat, I was having post-summer blues with the onset of so much rain I guess. Maybe I have S.O.-S.A.D. :P

Dad phoned yesterday well excited about the new "guest bedroom" which as far as I can gather is basically a sort of shack built onto the side of our perfectly good house. I told him I couldn't wait to see it when I come down for Christmas. Sometimes I think about being an "adult" and what that means now. Ten, twelve years ago I had no clue what I was doing unless someone was pointing it out for me- the first year living on my own I was a complete wreck, I went home practically every fortnight (spent a fortune on train tickets), but I managed it somehow and now I do live on my own, I am a "real" adult with a job and friends and life. I pay council tax and send things to my bank without a big fuss and rent comes out of my account and I have credit cards...and a fish named Fish. But I don't feel any different and I still get in a big panic when a letter comes advising me to pay some bill I thought I'd paid or whatever. And I still want to go home...and I'm not sure I do anything important with my life.

It's like I'm waiting for something big to happen and it never does. Stupid sentiment, I know, I'm not sad, just...thinking.

Fringe over :( And I never got tickets to see Dresden Dolls in concert!

PMS kicking in I guess...

Joe called me last night. UGH. At thirty years old you'd think I'd be over the "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" sentiments so aptly expressed by girls half my age on various items of merchandise...but I'm not.

I mean I almost married him, I'll admit that...in my defence I was twenty-three and stupid and just out of university and he was the love of my life. As you think...usually. But we're NOT FRIENDS, I wish him no harm and I'm sure he's getting on fine or whatever but in no way are we friends! He cheated, all I got out of it was the money from selling the engagement ring, that doesn't make us friends no matter how many years follow. So he doesn't have the right to congratulate me on a new job, or see how I am doing, because as far as he is concerned I am NONEXISTANT.

Right? I am in the moral relationship right here. Someone back me up on this...

Forget it, I am going to go curl up with Bridget Jones's Diary in typical fashion.

shows

Shows I have seen: Apollo/Dionysus (mediocre), The Resistable Rise of Arturo Ui (not the best I've seen), Hedda Gabler (pretty good), Radio (AMAZING!), Knots (also astonishingly good, I saw it twice), Blackwatch (great), various sort-of-funny comedians the best of which were The Improverts and the guy who did the Geek Show.

Things I have done: not much, just wandering around revelling in the beauty of a Scottish summer and the bizarre crowds of people, some of whom have been manically flyering me. What a waste of paper!

Work is good, systematic and boring while we prepare for the "big" launch which happens at the end of the year. Alex and I seem to have been bonding under the tyranny of Randall, whose name I feel fine writing here, safe in the knowledge that although he's a smart guy he's surprisingly laisez-faire about the internet and his own presence therein. Tyranny is quite a strong word really...he's just a bit...of a boss. Duh :P

fringey friiiiiinge

*dusts blog off*

I'm working again and it's surprisingly fun. Cycling into work every day along Leith Walk is kind of a bitch and will only get worse as the weather gets worse, but good exercise I guess. I work mainly with this guy called Alex who's a total geek (lol) and my boss is kind of a sleaze but ain't that always the way! And it's easy and pretty friendly although we don't get to work at all closely with the main scientist and researcher people (and by not at all closely I mean they're in another city...)

But more importantly it's FESTIVAL TIME! There's a giant purple cow going up in Bristo Square...udders and all! I love Fringe so much, not just because it's my culture and theatre fix for the entire year basically, but just because I think it's amazing that Edinburgh transforms so completely, even the weather is different! I mean it's pretty much one of the main reasons I came here for university and why I stayed I guess and didn't go back to England. So I've got my programme ready and highlighted and I'll set off next week (although weekends only due to this JOB THING) to see some shows.

follow up

I know I promised angst in my last entry but there was surprisingly little this time around. I think the fact that I've finally got a "grown-up" job does a lot towards that cause...and a grown-up flat seems to help too. Now if only I had a grown-up boyfriend and my mum would be over the moon...blargh. She stayed for two days and then had to get back because apparently Dad is building an addition onto the house although I'm not sure if that's a good idea. We did have a serious discussion about my lack of engagement ring like that MATTERS...in this day and age.

It's not really a big deal, like every British woman of a certain age I have problems with my mother...I'm lucky they aren't bigger problems really.

Anyway I'm up late for someone who STARTS WORK TOMORROW.

yay for shiny things

Today Jeremy and I went to IKEA because I haven't seen him in a while and the last tenant in this flat was apparently COLOURBLIND! I'm no expert in interior decoration (and based on some of Jez's choices at IKEA neither is he) but anything would have been better than the orange curtains I was left with, now I have nice blue curtains and a lot of cheap student-y cutlery and cookware. I'm far from being a student but I'm still CHEAP. My mum is coming up soon :-\ and she is going to bring some stuff as well, an electric mixer apparently, which will be nice if I want to do any cooking.

We also went to Princes Street to do some clothes shopping but with little success, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to dress for this new job so I'll have to make do with what I have and hopefully pick up some clues from what everyone else is wearing on Wednesday!

Got to go tidy the flat now, expect some angst tomorrow when Mum shows up.

celebrate good times come on!!!1

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!! I start in two weeks and it's pretty close to where I live and I get paid a LOT (!!!) at least, more than I did working for Barry.

YAY YAY YAY I may have had a few drinks to celebrate one might say...a few too many!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oneoneone

starting from scratch

Well here we go. New house, new job (maybe? hopefully?), new method of transportation (no more bus fares for me it's cycling all the way), new blog. Not that there's anything wrong with my livejournal, maybe I'll still update it, all I seem to do anymore are stupid memes. After all I've turned thirty (and I am honestly not going mad over it, it's only a number...) and maybe I'll leave livejournal to the teenagers. And go to a "real" blog.

New house, meaning my flatmates and I have finally disbanded after our long and tumultuous relationship. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the washing up they never did, it was the fact that they kept calling me "Mims." So now I live in Leith. Alone- well. I've got a fish, but he doesn't have a name yet. Recommendations?

New job (maybe? hopefully?) meaning the interview went well. I think. I hope. Nice men in business suits at least and my CV is very impressive if I do say so myself. It's not the sort of thing I would usually go for, some huge corporation and I don't even really know what they DO (although it's probably not environmentally friendly) but it's based in Edinburgh and hey. Maybe it's time for a change.

So...new life.