STUPIDITY! IT BURNS!!

Melancholy mood not lifted, made WORSE by work work work. Nightmare of a server reboot, nightmare of a bunch of employees NOT UNDERSTANDING Windows XP (the easiest thing to understand EVER)...don't we have an IT guy specifically to DO this??? It is not my job to chase up dumb secretaries and teach them how to open Microsoft Word...I have nothing against secretaries I think they do amazing work and can be very organised and all of this but surely one of the few things they need to know how to do is use Office? UGH.

good/bad

Had lunch with Alex today in Forest Cafe. Nachos, delicious :) Feeling decidedly better about life and work and things after a good chat, I was having post-summer blues with the onset of so much rain I guess. Maybe I have S.O.-S.A.D. :P

Dad phoned yesterday well excited about the new "guest bedroom" which as far as I can gather is basically a sort of shack built onto the side of our perfectly good house. I told him I couldn't wait to see it when I come down for Christmas. Sometimes I think about being an "adult" and what that means now. Ten, twelve years ago I had no clue what I was doing unless someone was pointing it out for me- the first year living on my own I was a complete wreck, I went home practically every fortnight (spent a fortune on train tickets), but I managed it somehow and now I do live on my own, I am a "real" adult with a job and friends and life. I pay council tax and send things to my bank without a big fuss and rent comes out of my account and I have credit cards...and a fish named Fish. But I don't feel any different and I still get in a big panic when a letter comes advising me to pay some bill I thought I'd paid or whatever. And I still want to go home...and I'm not sure I do anything important with my life.

It's like I'm waiting for something big to happen and it never does. Stupid sentiment, I know, I'm not sad, just...thinking.

Fringe over :( And I never got tickets to see Dresden Dolls in concert!

PMS kicking in I guess...

Joe called me last night. UGH. At thirty years old you'd think I'd be over the "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" sentiments so aptly expressed by girls half my age on various items of merchandise...but I'm not.

I mean I almost married him, I'll admit that...in my defence I was twenty-three and stupid and just out of university and he was the love of my life. As you think...usually. But we're NOT FRIENDS, I wish him no harm and I'm sure he's getting on fine or whatever but in no way are we friends! He cheated, all I got out of it was the money from selling the engagement ring, that doesn't make us friends no matter how many years follow. So he doesn't have the right to congratulate me on a new job, or see how I am doing, because as far as he is concerned I am NONEXISTANT.

Right? I am in the moral relationship right here. Someone back me up on this...

Forget it, I am going to go curl up with Bridget Jones's Diary in typical fashion.

shows

Shows I have seen: Apollo/Dionysus (mediocre), The Resistable Rise of Arturo Ui (not the best I've seen), Hedda Gabler (pretty good), Radio (AMAZING!), Knots (also astonishingly good, I saw it twice), Blackwatch (great), various sort-of-funny comedians the best of which were The Improverts and the guy who did the Geek Show.

Things I have done: not much, just wandering around revelling in the beauty of a Scottish summer and the bizarre crowds of people, some of whom have been manically flyering me. What a waste of paper!

Work is good, systematic and boring while we prepare for the "big" launch which happens at the end of the year. Alex and I seem to have been bonding under the tyranny of Randall, whose name I feel fine writing here, safe in the knowledge that although he's a smart guy he's surprisingly laisez-faire about the internet and his own presence therein. Tyranny is quite a strong word really...he's just a bit...of a boss. Duh :P

fringey friiiiiinge

*dusts blog off*

I'm working again and it's surprisingly fun. Cycling into work every day along Leith Walk is kind of a bitch and will only get worse as the weather gets worse, but good exercise I guess. I work mainly with this guy called Alex who's a total geek (lol) and my boss is kind of a sleaze but ain't that always the way! And it's easy and pretty friendly although we don't get to work at all closely with the main scientist and researcher people (and by not at all closely I mean they're in another city...)

But more importantly it's FESTIVAL TIME! There's a giant purple cow going up in Bristo Square...udders and all! I love Fringe so much, not just because it's my culture and theatre fix for the entire year basically, but just because I think it's amazing that Edinburgh transforms so completely, even the weather is different! I mean it's pretty much one of the main reasons I came here for university and why I stayed I guess and didn't go back to England. So I've got my programme ready and highlighted and I'll set off next week (although weekends only due to this JOB THING) to see some shows.

follow up

I know I promised angst in my last entry but there was surprisingly little this time around. I think the fact that I've finally got a "grown-up" job does a lot towards that cause...and a grown-up flat seems to help too. Now if only I had a grown-up boyfriend and my mum would be over the moon...blargh. She stayed for two days and then had to get back because apparently Dad is building an addition onto the house although I'm not sure if that's a good idea. We did have a serious discussion about my lack of engagement ring like that MATTERS...in this day and age.

It's not really a big deal, like every British woman of a certain age I have problems with my mother...I'm lucky they aren't bigger problems really.

Anyway I'm up late for someone who STARTS WORK TOMORROW.